Snarkling Clean

Snarkling Clean- because you don't have to cuss to make fun of stuff. Two dedicated readers discuss romance novels- from what made us weep with joy to what made us want to poke pencils through our eyeballs.

Monday, April 03, 2006

AROOOOOOOOO!!!!

Careful...our guest snarker Terry (ozzatlarge) told us there are wolves about...

Wolf Shadow


Robyn: I love the wolf in the background. You can see the cartoon bubble over his head saying, “What the heck is that? That ain’t no Indian.”

Missie: Native Americans all over the land rise up in protest chanting, "The White Man, first he take our land, then our cover model jobs!"

Terry: Chief Goofy Feather has and Indian candy coated shell, but smells like white man in the center. Either way, looks like lunch!

Beauty and the Big, Bad, Wolf



Robyn: Okay, first off, let’s not mix up our fairy tales. BBW didn’t do Beauty, he did Red Riding Hood. For once, the art department got that one right. Second, he ate Grandma, not apples. That was Adam and Eve. Crap, what is this book about, anyway?

Missie: Hey, I know, let's get a really hot babe with the forearms and hands of a lumberjack and put her in a red dress and heels in an apple orchard and have her stand UNDER a ladder, and then get Greg Evigan to try to force an apple on her, cuz he's been looking for a steady job since BJ and the Bear was cancelled.

Terry: Boy, the girl in the low cut short red dress is a beauty, but Mr. Man sure don’t look like a beast, but wait, the full moon’s not out yet. Run, Beauty run before the sun goes down.

Loving the Lone Wolf



Robyn: If you are with the lone wolf, is he still ‘lone?’ And apparently, loving the lone wolf means you ride Harleys in silk dresses and stripper heels.

Missie: Joaquin Phoenix's first big break.

Terry: I better make a fast getaway before The Beast realizes that I took The Beauty in the Red Dress from him. I hope I put gas in this pig.

Secrets of the Wolf



Robyn: Like I’m gonna search for them in a spooky graveyard that has a twenty foot tall Cerberus-like guard wolf?

Missie: So did the wolf kill someone and that's his secret or did he see someone get killed and this is where the body is buried and that's his secret only he can't tell anyone because-hey, he's a wolf here- and he can't talk and he tried to do the Lassie thing where he went up to the heroine and he's all, "Woof, woof, owwwwhowwwoh" and she's supposed to be all, "What, boy? The bad guy knifed someone in the woods and is leaving that person for dead and we have to call 911 now in order to save the injured party and make sure the wrong person doesn't get framed for the crime?" but instead she's all like, "Eww! It's a wolf and he's smelly and barking at me! Save me!" and then he's all like, "What a dork!" or did he try to bark out a message in Morse Code because actually the secret is he's really a human that turns into a wolf sometimes, like during full moons or after a stressful day trying to get his license renewed at the DMV, and so he would totally know Morse Code and would be able to bark in it while in his wolf form, and that's his secret, or what? Because I just don't know...

Terry: Secret is these headstones were dinner at one time. So, come on in and find the Secrets of this Wolf.

Lone Wolf’s Woman



Robyn: Since Lone Wolf is about 30 stories shorter than his bride, I see relationship troubles. You know men and their egos.

Missie:
Hmm, bride in the sky...Lilliputian guy on horse by a river...Green fields...Wolf in the title...I smell a Pulitzer.

Terry: So the Lone Wolf isn’t the Lone Wolf anymore. He finally got the Beauty to settle down and trade her red party dress for a wedding dress. Hopefully the Beast doesn’t crash the wedding.

Up next: Covers of the Queen!

5 Comments:

Blogger Missie said...

Chief Goofy Feather!

My husband loved that one. Good job, Terry. Thanks for being our first and only (so far) male snarker.

6:45 PM  
Anonymous Kim said...

This post made me howl.
Sorry, couldn't resist.
Going back to lurking now...

9:40 PM  
Blogger Bernita said...

That bust in Beauty needs some serious hydraulics.
I love this blog.

3:40 AM  
Anonymous Megan said...

Hysterical!

And I'm sorry, but whenever I hear or read "lone wolf," I think of a terrorist acting on his/her own, NOT the hot lead in a romantic novel...

7:10 AM  
Blogger Abby said...

Is it just me or is the Lone Wolf on the motorbike not looking where he's going?

And whose brilliant idea were the blurry-swoosh lines to make us think they're actually moving? Her hair is blowing in a different direction anyway.

9:54 AM  

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