Snarkling Clean

Snarkling Clean- because you don't have to cuss to make fun of stuff. Two dedicated readers discuss romance novels- from what made us weep with joy to what made us want to poke pencils through our eyeballs.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

A Curtsy for Her Madge

Of all the authors in Romancelandia, Johanna Lindsey is the queen of the clinch cover. With our heads bowed in awed reverence, voices suitably hushed, we bring you the Romance Cover Royal Gallery, Part One.

A Gentle Feuding

Robyn: I guess she was late coming down for breakfast, and decided to take her grapefruit halves with her. Too bad she forgot a sack and put them down her dress.

And do none of these women put their hair up? Or back? I thought only hussies wore their hair dow- never mind.

Missie: What is a gentle feuding? How do you gently feud? And isn't that an oxymoron? Feud implies...well, feud..fighting..not niceness. Gentle implies...well, niceness. How do you have a niceness not niceness? I am so confused.

Also confusing is the whole why is he all Birthday Suit Boy while she's fully dressed? Well, except for her..frontage area. And correct me if I am wrong, but that color red in her hair does not occur in nature. This cover is going to give me nightmares, I can already tell.

Tender Rebel

Robyn: I have a question- where exactly ARE they? On what is she reclining? They look like they’re on a rooftop. Outside wasn’t bad enough, they had to go on the roof? Isn’t it a teensy bit dangerous to indulge in your great passion several stories off the ground? At least they can make a safety rope out of her over-permed, chemically damaged hair.

Missie: When bad hair extensions happen to good people. Also, Poor Mr. Snuffaluffagus, Part Deux.

Love Only Once

Robyn: I cannot tell you how glad I am that one of these couples finally had the sense to enjoy their crumpets inside. Le happy sigh. Then they had to ruin it by showing our heroine’s milky white protuberances sliding into her armpits while reclining on the nastiest cushions I have ever seen. I don’t need it that real, thank you.

And why is she holding that fan? If she was going to whack him with it for getting fresh, I’m assuming she would have done it before he got COMPLETELY NAKED.

Missie: The fan? And the gloves? With the ugly pillows? And the noses touching? I can't...there aren't words...I just can't.

Robyn: Tell me about it. Einstein there apparently hasn’t grasped the concept- you can’t get to Miss Hooterville from BEHIND the couch.

Up next: Royal Rascals Part Deux!


Anonymous Michelle said...

I love these cover analyses! Too funny. You really should do one for Warrior's Woman.

3:30 AM  
Blogger Anna said...

Very funny stuff as always, and it's great to see some classic Elaine Duillo and Robert McGinnis covers again.

4:23 AM  
Blogger Bernita said...

These nekkid guys.
What's with this?
Always thought the wimmin got stripped first.

Missie, that colour does occur in nature - but it's on Easter Islanders...

I love this blog.

4:38 AM  
Blogger Jolene*Marie said...

ROTFL "When bad hair extensions happen to good people." I'm crackin up. Well obviously their hair is never up, Robyn, they need it to blow in all the wind that comes on that cover. Especially the winds that blow opposite ways. It's great.


5:28 AM  
Anonymous Megan said...

In the "Gentle Feuding" cover, whose leg is she holding? It doesn't look like it could come from him, although I think it's supposed to be his. Huh. Very odd, indeed.

11:57 AM  
Anonymous Amy said...


3:59 PM  
Blogger Robyn said...

Warrior's Woman, hmm? Anyone else have a cover they'd like us to rip?

8:21 PM  

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