Viking Raid!!

Sandra Hill writes really good stories. I've read a number of these books, and she's very funny. From what I've heard, she's also a really good sport about the covers her pub has saddled her with. I'm glad, 'cause we're gonna make fun of them anyway.

A Tale of Two Vikings

Robyn: Is this guy wearing a corset under his skin? That's the skinniest waist I've seen since Miss Scarlett went to the barbeque at Twelve Oaks.

Missie: Glad to see the dad from Silver Spoons didn't completely fade into obscurity.

Robyn: Missie, you are totally on to something there- check it out:

Blue Viking

Robyn: Guess what. You're blue because you need a SHIRT, not just a fur cape.

Missie: Robyn, he's not blue because he's cold...he's blue because he's sad because he just found out he lost the Fourth Annual Wet Fur Contest to a guy with a bigger man-chesty.

My Fair Viking

Robyn: "Darling, don't worry! I'll save you!"
"Great. Could you have thought of that a few seconds ago, when you stood next to me instead of in front of me and made me break my freaking neck YOU STOOPID BINT?"

Missie:
Can't. Get. Past. The. Title. Visions...of..Audrey Hepburn singing...while wearing a fur wrap and carrying...a spear. **cough, cough, sputter*** Must. Get. Help. Soon.

The Last Viking

Robyn: Is frigid North Sea water up your hoo-hah really romantic? Just askin'.

Missie: The last viking who tried hoochy-coochin' in this water died of hypothermia. Just a little FYI, Sven.

Truly, Madly Viking

Robyn: I thought this one was pretty good until I noticed his bottom half doesn't...well, it doesn't really end, does it? And it goes off to the side...I've got it. He's actually a Viking Centaur, isn't he?

Missie: I may forget my clothes and weapons, but I always remember to wear my bracelet. LIVE STRONG!

This next cover has been snarked more times than we can count. Which of course means we had to include him. He's known universally throughout Romancelandia as...the Pull My Finger Guy.

The Bewitched Viking

(Unfortunately, Blogger has decided that I've put too many pics up, so I'll have to link to my account at photobucket. Go here.)

Robyn: Sad, really. Even if he's suffering from terminally arrested development, he's kind of cute. It's like seeing your old high school boyfriend at your college graduation, and he 'performs' at the party your parents throw you, and after the prayer for the food he tells the Dirtiest Joke Anyone Has Ever Heard right in front of your grandmother and God and tries to get the guys into a burping contest and tells all the girls "Did you know we were married in a former life?" and your friends look at you as you try to hide under the table and ask, "Is this the guy you were always talking about?" and you say "NO! It was totally someone else!" as he tells everyone that your name is tattooed on his butt...

Missie:
My IQ? Whut is dat? Oh, someone tell me before iss ONE. Like dis finger, one. See, I can hold up one! Jah! (My viking talks like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Shut up.)

Missie further states:

Now, I am not a sheep to be easily led into buying or rejecting a book based on it's cover, but I can say this. If this book had the winning lottery numbers in it, I wouldn't read it. If the pages of this book revealed surefire way to reduce cottage-cheesy thighs in one easy step, I wouldn't read it. If secrets contained in this book could guarantee that hair would never again grow on my legs or in my armpits, I wouldn't read it. Know why? Because I cannot fully enjoy a book and get into the story when I am in the throes of hysterical laughter, that's why. I would keep picturing Mr. Goobenheimer on the cover farting then going, "Did you hear that?" or "No, that wasn't me, that was him over there, duh, huh, huh" or my alltime favorite, "Oops, heard a buck snort!" And people? I just can't do it. Not even for you.

Up next: Covers we actually (gulp) liked!