These Ladies Have No Friends

Or at least none that would tell them what they really look like. We've wondered what causes excessive catty snarkiness around award show fashion, and we've decided its a big honkin' case of schadenfreude. I mean, when we have a big night out, we go shopping for a new dress...but can't get the shoes AND the clutch, unless we settle for that other dress that's only okay, but then if we get the wonderful clutch we can't get our hair done, so maybe the shoes we have at home will work, and we can get the perfect dress, the clutch, hair AND nails. When we finally get the financial wizardry done and go home, we have to put on panty hose while removing toddlers from our legs and apply make-up in stages while making arrangements for the babysitter to be picked up when her ride falls through and ordering pizza for them all to eat and figuring out what to say when our darlings choose that moment to ask where babies come from.

So we think we're entitled to a little unholy joy when a woman is a jillionaire who doesn't have to say no to anything, has unheralded access to designers and stylists and glam squads, an army of nannies and flunkies to take care of domestic issues, and teams of P.R. people whose job it is to make sure she doesn't make an idiot of herself, shows up at internationally televised events looking and acting like this:

Robyn: We are in mortal peril of finding out if she got a Brazilian before the show.

Missie: Note that fell from Beyonce's clutch while walking the red carpet:
"Dear Beyonce, Just wanted to let you know that your Pap smear came back negative. Don't forget to schedule your yearly exam next January. Sincerely, Your OB/Gyn".

Robyn: Angie, I know children are starving in Africa. You didn't have to wear a shroud.

Missie: You can't read it, but her tattoo is cussing you out.

Robyn: Justin is NOT worth losing your mind for. Come away from the ledge.

Missie: She reminds me of my crazy aunt who thought she found the Crown Jewels in her closet.

(Snarkling Clean editorial note: Missie's not kidding.)

There were more, but we can't take it. For the love of Pete, please listen to your stylists. Or fire them. Whatever. Just so you starlets have an example of how to do it right and rock it no matter what your age:

Robyn: I so want to be her when I grow up.

Missie:I want to be Helen Mirren now!

And just because we want to:

Robyn: YUM!

Missie: Now that is something I could look at for a solid 24, that's for sure!