Good Thing You Told Me

Dear CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS, and FoxNews,

Thank you so much. I really appreciate the way you guys are right on the news that matters to simple folk like me across America. Those of us who raise our families, go to church, work hard, and pay taxes. Those of us who wonder how we will have money for our childrens' college tuition while funding our own retirement and possibly taking care of our aging parents. Those of us who report for jobs that are not our dream careers, day after day, month after month, year after year, just to make ends meet for our families.

You know us. You know us so well.

Because if there is one subject that constantly comes up in my house, usually at night while snuggling in bed with my husband right before sleep claims our exhausted bodies and we rise again early the next morn to start the rat race all over, it is this...

What has Lindsay Lohan done today?

You would think with all the things going on in the world such as disease, war, pestilence, unrest, and a government that spends our money like drunken sailors on shore leave, that my husband and I might have our minds occupied with weightier matters.

But you would be wrong if you thought that. And you, Oh Wise Media Gurus, are never wrong.

With your glow in the dark teeth and your overstyled hair and your designer suits, you deliver the news I want and NEED. I feel like YOU.GET.ME. You understand. You know that I don't want something simple like what the weather forecast may be or if the Fed is going to raise interest rates. NO! You tell me what a coked-out sluttified starlet's latest shenanigans are within the first five minutes of your broadcast!

And for that, I thank you.

Way to investigate. Way to report. WAY.TO.READ.MY.MIND.

Sincerely,

Your loyal viewer*,**

*(who didn't make last year what LL has sniffed up her nose in the last thirty days)

**(and who only knew about the sniffery because she was forced to endure that story before getting her real news.)