Snarkling Clean

Snarkling Clean- because you don't have to cuss to make fun of stuff. Two dedicated readers discuss romance novels- from what made us weep with joy to what made us want to poke pencils through our eyeballs.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

From Our Snarky Hearts to Yours!

We here at Snarkling Clean strive for a level of literary excellence seldom found elsewhere on the Internet. We tirelessly research in order to present you with high quality, masterfully crafted pieces that are sure to bring meaning to your poor, beforeusSnarkless lives. That being said, let us now reveal...The Redneck Valentine Poem.

Collards is green, my dog's name is "Blue"
and I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk, a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's, and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass, which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales, but I luv you anyway.
Yore as satisfy'n as okry, jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yore as fragrant as "snuff", right out of the can.
You have some'a yore teeth, for which I am proud;
I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work, they all want to know,
what I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape, yore there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles and fix what you can.
Yore as cute as a junebug, a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'.
Despite all them years, yore age, it keeps hidin'.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank,
we go together like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day.
They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way.
Some men git roses on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger. “That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey, these just won't do.
Cause yore too special, you sweet little thang, you.
I got you a gift without taste nor odor,
More useful than diamonds...it's a new troll'n motor!!

No need to thank us. It's just part of the service.
May your day be filled with love, happiness, and diamonds from the flea market.

4 Comments:

Blogger Robyn said...

Awww, Missie. That'n made me cry.

9:32 AM  
Anonymous Michelle said...

LOL! That's great. :)

4:15 AM  
Blogger Bernita said...

Hyperventillating.
I love this blog.

5:10 AM  
Anonymous Amy said...

Love it!!! Thanks for the laugh, girls.

12:57 PM  

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