Snarkling Clean

Snarkling Clean- because you don't have to cuss to make fun of stuff. Two dedicated readers discuss romance novels- from what made us weep with joy to what made us want to poke pencils through our eyeballs.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Blood Shot From My Eyeballs

Finally! Blogger's been a pissy witch this weekend. And apparently, so have I.

Mind if I rant for a little while? I’ve just seen two interviews, NOT on Jerry Springer, about man-stealers. That’s right. This here hussy’s out to steal my man, and I ain’t gonna let her type thing. The “man” in question sits between the two women like a quiet remorseful lump, but you know he’s trying not to grin. Hey, after all, he’s got two women fighting over him, right?

The second interview featured a supposedly intelligent, successful woman who found out that her fiancé was already married (but it was a quickie Vegas marriage, honey, we just never got around to a quickie Reno divorce) and had a girlfriend to fill in his extra time during the week. He acknowledged that scheduling was getting difficult. Her question was: am I wrong not to trust him, and is marriage a good idea right now?

I thought I would have a hemorrhage. She demanded that he get the divorce and drop the girlfriend, which he did, and now he felt she was being mean not to trust him. Jigga what? How has this woman lived all these years without a spine? Not only would I have kicked him to the curb, I would’ve thrown his stuff in the yard and set it afire. He would be extremely fortunate if I didn’t go Lorena Bobbitt on him. “But aside from the trust issue, we have a phenomenal relationship,” she whined. Honey, I hope you went and got tested just in case his side trips gave you a phenomenal case of the clap.

And the first interview had the little vein in my forehead throbbing. When did we buy into this idiotic notion that a man can be stolen? I’ve seen this played out a hundred times, in romancelandia and in real life, and it never fails to make me a lobster-faced McFurious rage monkey. Women always tend to get mad at the 'other woman'. Why do we never blame the one who deserves it? And don't even bring up the well-honey-get-a-makeover-and-take-him-back argument. The whole notion that I have to stand up and fight for my man? Got news for you. If I’ve gone through the nerve-wracking first date, the will-he-call-will-he-call first week, the rosy courtship and the first fight, the wedding and babies and job changes and money troubles and disappointments and I’m still there, still loving him, still supporting him, and still sleeping with him, I’VE ALREADY FOUGHT FOR HIM. If, at this point, some trollop who can’t understand the word taken wants to shake her cootchie at him, I can’t stop that. And if he wants to take her up on her offer, I can’t stop that either, because then he’s stopped fighting for me. And if that happens? Curb, meet lying cheating skanky mantush. Thank you, and goodnight.



Blogger Missie said...

But how do you really feel? I'm serious. We want to know.

BAH! Whenever I hear about the "stolen man" thing, I have to get out the duct tape to wrap around my head. He's not a Buick, for cryin out loud. Cars get stolen. Laptops get stolen. God forbid, children can get stolen. Men? They choice. When I see shows like that, I first want to beat the women silly, then go after Cheaty McCantKeepHisPantsZipped.

Who ARE these people? Where do they come from? And why oh why would they want to be on these shows, demonstrating their stupidity for all the world to see? At least I keep my stupid private. Well, and on blogspot.

6:16 PM  
Blogger Bernita said...

Oh, Girl, I am so with you on this.
People are not possessions, trophies, prizes.
And betrayal is not just a minor "mistake."

4:52 AM  
Anonymous Doug Hoffman said...

Good rant, Robyn. And as much as I would love to agree with you (and I do agree with you on an intellectual level, I really do!) I have never had the experience of a woman shaking her coochie at me, literally or metaphorically, so I don't know how I would respond.

It would have to be an attractive woman and not a psychopath, otherwise, it's not a fair test. I had a nutcase shake her coochie at me (metaphorically) when I was in residency. She was a med student on my service. When I told her, "Um, I'm like married," her response was, "So?" So clueless, that's what so. Not tempted. Never even bothered to play it out in my mind.

But if a woman I liked made a play for me, that would be a legitimate test. Would I do the right thing? I hope so, but without being tested, it's one of those niggling things. When I act all high and mighty for not cheating on my wife, am I being a pre-hypocrite?

12:29 PM  

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