Snarkling Clean

Snarkling Clean- because you don't have to cuss to make fun of stuff. Two dedicated readers discuss romance novels- from what made us weep with joy to what made us want to poke pencils through our eyeballs.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Hot Old Bald Guys

We had a discussion sometime ago about unconventionally attractive heroes. I maintained that Miguel Ferrer's character on Crossing Jordan and Terry O'Quinn's Locke on Lost would be fabulous heroes. The comments wandered in the direction of, specifically, bald guys. And just a week or so ago Missie joked about how Christopher Meloni was hot in spite of male pattern baldness.

Why do we never read about bald or balding heroes, and the age it connotes? The rebels all have angsty curls falling on their foreheads, the historical warriors usually have the Fabio mane, and the military guys have the buzzcut, but they all have hair. I have to admit, the heroes I've written all have hair. Can a bald guy be considered a romantic hero? Traditional romance aesthetics say no, but I have my doubts. Case in point:

Now, Sean Connery is in a class by himself. Bald or not, he will always be sexy. Women the world over still want crumpets with Connery even though he's 187. (By the way- Crumpets with Connery will probably be a title for me someday, so don't nobody steal it.)

Our friend Anna mentioned Admiral Chegwidden from JAG, and I have to agree. Alpha male to the core. But then again, you guys know how much I love a man in uniform, oh boy, and how.

I'm not sure if I should include this next one- black men shave their heads on purpose and they are entitled. Don't get all weird on me, I'm just saying that generally African American men just have prettier heads than white guys. But I couldn't let a post on bald guys go by without mentioning my favorite.

Avery Brooks was good enough on Star Trek, but his big impression on me was from Spenser for Hire. Remember Hawk? Oh, I lived for the moment he'd growl-whisper "Spen-sahh!" Why is it I tend to think the sidekicks are way more compelling than the leads?

TV Guide did a poll years ago on the sexiest man and woman on television. You could write in any candidate you wanted- the men voted for women, and vice-versa. The sexiest woman? Cindy Crawford. Pretty typical. But with all the hunks and cuties to choose from, who won sexiest man? Go here for the answer. (Gad, I hate Blogger.)

That's right. The hottest old bald guy I know, Patrick Stewart. Sakes alive, we all just shivered when he commanded, "ENGAGE!" And if women specifically wrote in that he was the sexiest man, why don't we see more of that in novels? Do you think we've been cheating ourselves? Ignoring a whole group of potential heroes?


Blogger Missie said...

Yum, yum...

Make it so, Number One.

8:33 AM  
Blogger December Quinn said...

Mmm, I was about to yell at you for not mentioning Picard!

I think we don't write bald guys because it's hard to convey the sexiness with the word "bald". Nobody thinks bald men are sexy from reading they're bald, even though we've all seen devastatingly sexy bald men.

10:33 AM  
Blogger Bernita said...

I wonder if it has a lot to do with (1) the age thing, and (2) people conditioned by advertising ( do YOU have male pattern baldness?...Get a hair piece,hair plugs, hair-weaving, whatever.)
Maybe the stereotype is too deeply implanted ( choke) with assorted villains and dumb/comic sidekicks presented as bald.
And that is a great title!

11:26 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

And then you have the guys that had the Fabio-type hair and shaved it off (no, not Howie Mandel, ICK)...I'm thinking Andre Agassi here. Sure, his head is a little squared off on the top, but he would make a great looking TV tray. Just have him sit at your feet and put your plate on top. Mmmm mm.

I have to agree with the populace and put Dr. Charles Xavier on the top of my list. But, did anyone think of the beef-cake Vin Diesel?

1:39 PM  
Blogger Robyn said...

Oh, you're right, forgot the Pacifier.

I think you're onto something there, DQ. How do you describe it without sounding, well, bald?

Bernita, I do think age plays a part. I have always preferred a man with mileage on him- no Leonardo DiCaprio/Orlando Bloom boys for me. But maybe when a woman reads the hero is bald, she's automatically thinking, "Dad!"

2:17 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

I really wouldn't have a problem with a bald hero -- and thanks for the Chegwidden picture; that's a great pick me up after a hectic day. Which reminds me about all those military heroes; those regulation haircuts can get close to bald.

For Georgian-era historicals, many men who wore wigs shaved their heads to ensure better fit, so such a hero could have mane or no name, as he wished.

In any era, if it fits the character, why not?

2:45 PM  
Blogger Missie said...

How could we forget to mention the original handsome handsome bald man that made it okay for the rest of the guys to be bald? I'm talkin' me some Michael Jordan. Bare as a baby's butt, but ummm, ummm, good.

I like Mike.

8:23 PM  
Anonymous Tyler said...

There are bald guys all over the world that are embracing baldness and changing the perception that being bald is not sexy. This is being helped out by several celebrities that are sporting the bald look. Bruce Willis, Michael Jordan, Samuel Jackson, and now Joey Lawrence.

Because of the negative image being bald is getting from these stupid hair replacement and drug companies, I started a site to combat this image and perception.

10:54 AM  
Blogger quirkychild said...

One name: Yul Brynner.

Or am I just beyond weird?

9:53 PM  
Anonymous Chris said...


2007 Survey Results released on Female Opinions of Bald Men

97% of women surveyed say bald men can be sexy; 71% oppose bald men getting transplants; a bald man�s confidence is very important to women surveyed.

COON RAPIDS, Minn. (September 17, 2007) The Brotherhood of Bald People Worldwide has released the results of their 2007 survey featuring opinions from women on bald men.

The 23-question survey was presented to women residing in various places within the United States to get their opinions and attitudes toward bald men, their sex appeal, dating, and overall opinions on baldness. Complete survey results are posted on The Brotherhood of Bald People Worldwide�s website at

8:31 PM  
Anonymous Hair replacement said...

If If all else fails, there's nothing wrong with going bald.
A great product for protection and nurturing bald heads is, Matte For Men's complete head care lotion. Enjoy its moisturizing
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7:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

See Today Show clip on "Bald Men: Is it Hot or Not?" that was aired recently. Panelists, including Tiki Barber, come to the conclusion that hot it is.
See Google or msn video and type in the clip title above, or try this link:

7:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I enjoyed The Stepfather- this was just as a great as the first. Dylan Walsh did a great job filling the shoes of Terry O'Quinn

5:39 PM  
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