Christmas Toys
I wonder what my childhood would have been like had I been given these toys for Christmas, from the Archie McPhee catalog:
Every child faces a breakout of head lice in school. Why not make it fun for the tykes? As you pour poisonous chemicals on their little heads to kill the infecting horde, let the kids hug on Dig Dig the Head Louse Plushy Toy.
Of course, after de-lousing every organic surface in the house, your little one may have hygiene and cleaning issues. Help them explore these feelings with the Obsessive Compulsive Action Figure, complete with anti-bacterial moist towelettes. You never know who handled the toy before you, right?
We want to make sure that all these emotional upheavals don't bring on bad behavior. Fight the peer pressure! Any child forced to see exactly where cigarettes come from will not take up the habit anytime soon. Warning: they may discover a lifelong dislike of donkeys.
If the little darlings have some aggression that just has to come out, let them role play with their favorite doll and the Helpless B-Movie Victims. Or skip the doll and let them be the one to terrorize the poor citizens.
Be careful when unleashing this force, though. It can go too far. WAY TOO FAR. Go here if you don't believe me. Happy shopping, everyone!
Every child faces a breakout of head lice in school. Why not make it fun for the tykes? As you pour poisonous chemicals on their little heads to kill the infecting horde, let the kids hug on Dig Dig the Head Louse Plushy Toy.
Of course, after de-lousing every organic surface in the house, your little one may have hygiene and cleaning issues. Help them explore these feelings with the Obsessive Compulsive Action Figure, complete with anti-bacterial moist towelettes. You never know who handled the toy before you, right?
We want to make sure that all these emotional upheavals don't bring on bad behavior. Fight the peer pressure! Any child forced to see exactly where cigarettes come from will not take up the habit anytime soon. Warning: they may discover a lifelong dislike of donkeys.
If the little darlings have some aggression that just has to come out, let them role play with their favorite doll and the Helpless B-Movie Victims. Or skip the doll and let them be the one to terrorize the poor citizens.
Be careful when unleashing this force, though. It can go too far. WAY TOO FAR. Go here if you don't believe me. Happy shopping, everyone!
posted by Robyn | 9:30 AM
9 Comments:
Oh my gosh. Are you kidding me? I'm laughing out loud. And seriously going to buy some of this for select individuals come Holiday time.
And here I've already told the kids that Santa won't be visiting this year because they've been so bad. I may have to reconsider my position....
I wonder if kids really are corrupted by their toys.
I mean I've never shot or stabbed or sunk and arrow into anyone.
Bernita,
That just means you didn't have the right toys.
Missie
Man, and here I was trying to think of what to get the kids for Christmas. You rock!!
Seriously, who wouldn't love impaling mimes and new age ladies and corporate honchos while listening to those carols?
I'm totally buying the killer teddy bear and frightened villagers.
Just a question,
Why are you on these catalogs' mailing lists, Robyn? Is there something we should know?
They don't come to me, I search for them.
Which is much, much sadder.
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