Snarkling Clean

Snarkling Clean- because you don't have to cuss to make fun of stuff. Two dedicated readers discuss romance novels- from what made us weep with joy to what made us want to poke pencils through our eyeballs.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Christmas Toys

I wonder what my childhood would have been like had I been given these toys for Christmas, from the Archie McPhee catalog:

Every child faces a breakout of head lice in school. Why not make it fun for the tykes? As you pour poisonous chemicals on their little heads to kill the infecting horde, let the kids hug on Dig Dig the Head Louse Plushy Toy.

Of course, after de-lousing every organic surface in the house, your little one may have hygiene and cleaning issues. Help them explore these feelings with the Obsessive Compulsive Action Figure, complete with anti-bacterial moist towelettes. You never know who handled the toy before you, right?

We want to make sure that all these emotional upheavals don't bring on bad behavior. Fight the peer pressure! Any child forced to see exactly where cigarettes come from will not take up the habit anytime soon. Warning: they may discover a lifelong dislike of donkeys.

If the little darlings have some aggression that just has to come out, let them role play with their favorite doll and the Helpless B-Movie Victims. Or skip the doll and let them be the one to terrorize the poor citizens.

Be careful when unleashing this force, though. It can go too far. WAY TOO FAR. Go here if you don't believe me. Happy shopping, everyone!


Blogger Girl con Queso said...

Oh my gosh. Are you kidding me? I'm laughing out loud. And seriously going to buy some of this for select individuals come Holiday time.

4:18 PM  
Anonymous Becki said...

And here I've already told the kids that Santa won't be visiting this year because they've been so bad. I may have to reconsider my position....

10:12 PM  
Blogger Bernita said...

I wonder if kids really are corrupted by their toys.
I mean I've never shot or stabbed or sunk and arrow into anyone.

4:06 AM  
Blogger Missie said...

That just means you didn't have the right toys.

10:12 AM  
Anonymous Michelle said...

Man, and here I was trying to think of what to get the kids for Christmas. You rock!!

5:56 PM  
Blogger Robyn said...

Seriously, who wouldn't love impaling mimes and new age ladies and corporate honchos while listening to those carols?

8:05 PM  
Anonymous Jenny said...

I'm totally buying the killer teddy bear and frightened villagers.

4:22 PM  
Blogger Missie said...

Just a question,

Why are you on these catalogs' mailing lists, Robyn? Is there something we should know?

9:53 AM  
Blogger Robyn said...

They don't come to me, I search for them.

Which is much, much sadder.

10:08 AM  

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