Just a Question
Hypothetical situation:
You have a 20 year old daughter who is living with her boyfriend and finds herself pregnant. Daughter marries boyfriend, and their combined total income is slightly above the poverty level. You have a neighbor who had a baby the previous year. Said neighbor gives your daughter at least $300 in baby clothes, toys, bath seats, etc, to date. At no point does your daughter write the neighbor a thank you card, or stop by the neighbor's house to say how much she appreciates the items. Do you:
1. Call your neighbor every time a new box of clothes appears on your doorstep, thanking her for her thoughtfulness?
2. Buy a card yourself for the neighbor?
3. Pull your daughter aside and say, "Listen, you ungrateful little snot! Put the baby in one of the outfits Neighbor gave you and trot your little butt on over there and thank her yourself!"
4. None of the above, ever.
Discuss....
Dude! I would totally make her a present in my diaper.
You have a 20 year old daughter who is living with her boyfriend and finds herself pregnant. Daughter marries boyfriend, and their combined total income is slightly above the poverty level. You have a neighbor who had a baby the previous year. Said neighbor gives your daughter at least $300 in baby clothes, toys, bath seats, etc, to date. At no point does your daughter write the neighbor a thank you card, or stop by the neighbor's house to say how much she appreciates the items. Do you:
1. Call your neighbor every time a new box of clothes appears on your doorstep, thanking her for her thoughtfulness?
2. Buy a card yourself for the neighbor?
3. Pull your daughter aside and say, "Listen, you ungrateful little snot! Put the baby in one of the outfits Neighbor gave you and trot your little butt on over there and thank her yourself!"
4. None of the above, ever.
Discuss....
Dude! I would totally make her a present in my diaper.
posted by Missie | 8:07 AM
17 Comments:
I vote for number 3!
Oh, definitely #3. Even if the daughter didn't like the outfits or couldn't use the stuff, it's the THOUGHT that counts!!!
All of the above!
Oy. And Vey.
#3 definitely wins, along with a very gentle, but insistent, reminder that THIS NEIGHBOR JUST FORKED OVER ALOT OF DOUGH, FOR YOU AND YOURS, DEAR CHILD OF MINE, so
start behaving like I raised you well and say thank you.
Just because she's a had a child doesn't mean she still isn't your baby.
Ugh, you know what's been, er, hypothetically driving me crazy? People who write on lists and say, "Please! Research questions! Help! Just answer these twenty in-depth questions!"
And, after you spend twenty - thirty minutes of your time doing it, you never hear from them again.
Thank you's died a few years ago.
I choose #3, adding a good knock on the head, LOL.
I realized I might not have made myself clear in the post. It's used stuff that I have given to the neighbor's daughter, not brand new, but it only went through one baby before it got to her, so the stuff was in pretty good shape.
Also, I don't do things so that I can get a thank you or a "you are so wonderful" or whatever. It's just that I find it so amazing that no thank you has ever been forthcoming. I guess I just picture what I would have done in a similar situation and figure that is what other people would do too.
People need to learn how to say thank you. It drives me batty when you give something to someone thinking they can use it & you never hear back from them. I've had saying thank you thumped into my head so many times I can't imagine not doing it.
Number three, without a doubt.
Plus number 1 & 2.
Sheesh. Your hypothetical daughter (or is this your hypothetical neighbor's daughter?) needs a good shaking.
I think I'd just thank the neighbor when I saw her. Maybe it's me, but I give "baby stuff" away because it's cluttering up my house, not because I expect thanks.
It would be nice if your daughter would say "thanks" but that's something you can "make" a five year old do. Once they're over eighteen, it's hazerdous, I think.
I could be wrong.
I would vote number three. I have given away a lot of my baby clothes to friends and family who needed them. I would expect a thank you at least. :)
#1 and #3.
Baby clothes are like gold.
I got every stick of furniture, walker, high chair, playpen, car seat, etc. 'gently used' from a friend and I was so grateful I cried. It was a miracle.
I would take the neighbor (you) out to lunch and thank her myself.
Well, since I've given up trying to make anyone else do anything a long time ago, I would vote for the thank you card and after that, a call.
But maybe, just maybe, they're embarrassed that you might feel they NEED the hand-me-downs (which they do but even the most down and out people have pride). It used to really make my mom (single mom of six kids once my dad took off) tense to march over and thank neighbors for help. She did it (because that's the way she was raised and we did need the help) but it made her feel like a charity case ('cause she had nothing to offer in return - once we were older, we'd cut their lawn in exchange for the hand-me-downs).
I agree, Kimber, that it might make someone feel bad that they would need the handmedowns. We were VERY STINKIN POOR growing up, and I wore my friends' handmedowns, which were actually just last seasons clothes because they were rich and got new clothes all the time. It was embarrassing sometimes to be seen in a shirt that my friend had worn just a few months before, but I got over it.
When I said that they were poor, I meant the daughter and her husband. The mom and her husband have some moolah. They just bought a brand new car, and she always has new clothes and lotsa blingbling going on. I know the grandparents spend alot of money on the baby, which is normal. And come to think of it, the daughter always looks like she just stepped out of a magazine whenever she comes over.
I guess I was just so peeved at these people because I have been giving them things for just about a year, and no thank you at all has been forthcoming. It's almost like it is expected now.
We were broke-brokey-brokerton when my son was born 11yrs ago, and anything anyone gave me was so appreciated. I baked cookies or made cards as a thank you to those who gave me their old baby stuff.
I guess this all goes back to what I call the "death of manners" in our country. Then again, I just could be ranting aimlessly and need to shut up.
Yeah, that's probably it right there.
I say 3, too. I love to give away my used baby stuff, and now that we've decided no more babies (sob!) I have a ton of stuff to give away. So I'm happy to be rid of it, believe me, but some sort of thanks would be nice, even just a note left with the neighbor or, next time the daughter visits, a stop-by to show off the baby in one of the outfits I left.
I'm voting for #3.
Personally? I'd do one and two and then the next time your daughter was at your house just say "Hey, let's jump in the car and go see the neighbor so we can thank her. I'm sure she'd love to see us!"
Sometimes kids just need to be pushed in the right direction, no matter how old they are. My mom still has to push me occassionally. :)
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