Snarkling Clean

Snarkling Clean- because you don't have to cuss to make fun of stuff. Two dedicated readers discuss romance novels- from what made us weep with joy to what made us want to poke pencils through our eyeballs.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Missie's son caught a glimpse of these and cried, "Dude! What kind of freaks on crack draw these covers? It's just not right!"

So wise, grasshopper. You have learned well.

Exposing the Executive's Secrets


Robyn: I have serious questions. Does anyone else hear bow-wow-chicka-chicka-bow music? And where did he get that hideous tie? Those lights- is he an executive stripper? You don't think the two dangling glasses and long necked wine bottle right in front of the package are subliminal, do you?

Missie: Memo from Harlequin Headquarters to its series authors: In light of recent comments made regarding our Trust Fund Affairs category romances, we felt it only fair to open up some different financial category romances so as not to offend anyone. Please submit your stories under one of the following headings, should you be interested: Soup Kitchen Flings, Government Cheese Dalliances, or Van Down By the River Romances. Next month, we will be accepting submissions to Barely Making It But On the Make, Paycheck to Paycheck Passion, and Hot Welfare Women.

The Right Brother



Robyn: As long as the right brother is someone else's brother, I'm good.

Missie: ...likes to poke his nose into his woman's eye. "That's what you get for dating my brother first!"

The Wolf's Promise



Robyn: "I promise I will poke out your eyeballs just because you annoy me."

Missie: ...is to what? Beat the crap out of me with his cane? Strangle me with his fluffy bluish cravat? He doesn't look sexy, he looks scary. Homicidal maniacs who fancy themselves animals are not keepers, people!

The Count's Charade



Robyn: Hope that bush isn't full of sticky pointy leaves. One, two, three, OW! One, two, three, OW!
Missie: So that's what happened to the guy from Highlander when the show was cancelled! Mystery solved!

Chain Reaction



Robyn: Oh, no, sir. Let me tell you that I SAW Hugh Jackman as Wolverine, and you, sir, are no Hugh Jackman!

Missie: So what, like he gets mad and strikes a pose and that causes lightning? Kinda like when the girl in Men In Black 2 was sad, it caused rain to fall? Is it like that? No? Oh....then I got nothin.

Devil in a Kilt



Robyn: "Okay, I know. I feel as stupid as you think I look, but I've got two kids to put through college. It's a living."

Missie's son: Look, It's Conan the Barbarian!

Missie: Somebody's having a wardrobe malfunction! Dude, look. Wear a shirt. Or a bra. Or a bra under a shirt. Whatever. But you're gonna poke somebody's eye out with that thing if you're not careful.

9 Comments:

Blogger StarvingWriteNow said...

I'm laughing too hard to comment right now...

back later

4:33 PM  
Anonymous Michelle said...

Thanks for the laugh! The man with the cane is too funny!

5:54 PM  
Blogger December Quinn said...

Oh, man. I was laughing at the first cover even before I read the excellent snark...then I saw Romances in a Van down by the River and peed myself a little.

But Missie, you tell your son to bite his tongue. Nobody makes fun of Conan.

2:45 AM  
Blogger StarvingWriteNow said...

Okay, I've composed myself--let me tell you, that "Van Down By The River Romances" just about killed me!

"Trust Fund Affairs" just sounds tawdry and cheap. Sorry, Harlequin. I think I'd read one of Missie's "Van" romances first!

"The Right Brother" looks like he doesn't have a right arm--what's up with that?

"The Wolf's Promise" is downright scary. That guy... for real, I'd run out of the manor house screaming if he showed up in my bedroom.

"The Count's Charade"--doesn't that look like Nicolas Cage in Moonstruck?

"Chain Reaction"--that guy has a Barbie waist. He's going to snap in two!

"Devil in a Kilt" looks like Fabio. And whenever I think of Fabio, I think of that Nationwide commercial where he turns into an old man in the blink of an eye. NOT sexy!

Once again, you girls have outdone yourselves. I love this site!

5:38 AM  
Blogger Jennifer McK said...

Okay, I was laughing so hard that I couldn't find anything snarky or funny to say.
I think my favorite was Missie's about Conan needing a bra. HILAROUS.

6:21 AM  
Blogger Carla said...

The last one needs a bra, doesn't he? Correct me if I'm wrong, but are heroes supposed to look, well, floppy?

6:31 AM  
Blogger Bernita said...

I.Just. Love. This blog.

6:34 AM  
Blogger Robyn said...

Can y'all believe my girl thought her snark wasn't on? I had to go lay down after the attack that Paycheck to Paycheck Passion gave me.

12:44 PM  
Anonymous Jenny said...

I just want to tell the Devil in a Kilt guy to stand up straight and stop slouching.

I'm such a damn mother.

4:53 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home