Snarkling Clean

It's Good to Be Home

Greetings, fellow citizens of Snarkdom. Thanks to Queen Snarksta Robyn for posting some very funny and thought-provoking things during the past 8 days, and just generally keeping everything running smoothly during my absence. Not that any of you noticed my being gone, which is good….just proves what a well-oiled machine we have here at Snarkling Clean. It also proves that I have yet to post something truly funny or thought-provoking, which is bad, considering I am a somewhat funny person in real life, and have occasionally been known to have a deep thought.

My family and I just returned yesterday from our first vacation in about 3 years. By vacation, I mean going somewhere other than to visit family and actually paying for the privilege of sleeping in a bed not our own. It was during said vacation that I, your humble co-Snarketta, had some serious epiphanies, or as I lovingly call them, Glaringly Obvious Observations, for once I started really thinking about them, I could only come up with two words….”No kidding”. One concerned my weight, one concerned my hair, but I will save those for another day. I will share with you now the ones concerning Family Vacations….

Glaringly Obvious Observation #1- “Vacation” by definition only means that Mom gets to do everything she normally does at home somewhere else. This includes cleaning, folding laundry, making sure everyone is properly bathed and dressed, food procurement and preparation, finding the lost sock/swimsuit/toothbrush/insert any item here, and the justification of why this or that item didn’t get packed even though Mom told son/husband/insert family member here to be sure to grab said item and put it in the suitcase. Everyone else (meaning my husband) may be taking a few days away from the daily grind, but for a mom, the grinding continues, no matter where she is.

G.O.O. #1, addendum- It is probably not such a hot idea to take a three month old baby on vacation anywhere, unless it’s to Grandma’s house. For some reason, people in the next hotel room don’t like the sound of a screaming baby while they are trying to sleep. Go figure.

G.O. O. #1, addendum #2- The above mentioned baby will significantly change her behavior and sleeping patterns away from home. Especially if after she is fed, burped, dry, rested, and happy, then decides as soon as Mom and Brother head to the hotel hot tub, that, no thanks, she really doesn’t want to stay in the room with Dad, and oh by the way, she’s not all that happy, and you know what, she doesn’t really like the room you are paying $100 a night for, and you know what else, she doesn’t really like Daddy right now either, and are you getting this, she wants Mommy right away, cuz she forgot to tell you, she still is hungry, and because you weren’t quick enough, she’s going to do a dooty of biblical proportions to show her overall dislike of the situation. Upon Mom’s return, she calms down, meekly takes the bottle, and proceeds to stay up until the wee hours of the morning while Brother and Dad are sleeping with a pillow over the head and ear plugs, respectively. While Mommy is begging her to just go to sleep, Miss Hakuna Ma-tooter serenely looks at Mom with her big blue eyes, as if to say, “What’s the prob, Ma?”


Glaringly Obvious Observation #2- Never mistake a “visit with family” with a “vacation.”

A visit with family can be nice, relaxing, and enjoyable, which ours was…some of the time. But basically, a visit with family is just getting the family crap in person that you usually just get over the phone. Only you can’t hang up. Or make faces while the relative is talking to you. Or make hand motions mimicking jabbing yourself in the eyeball to your husband. Or put your hand over the receiver while whispering, “My gene pool needs some serious chlorine.”


Glaringly Obvious Observation #3- I really really love my husband and my children. I needed this vacation to remind me once again why I picked the guy I did, because sometimes he annoys me so much that I forget. I was also reminded why we decided it would be a great idea to procreate, because sometimes, I forget that too. While watching HGTV (to which I am addicted but am in a 12 step program trying to overcome), I saw the ad for the new Todd Oldham show. His tag line hit me like a ton of bricks: “Remember, if you love it, then it’s perfect.” And you know what? My children may give me a butt that looks like cottage cheese and gray hair before my time, and my husband may cause me to one day develop a tick in my facial muscles, but I love them. I seriously love them…therefore my family is perfect.

Glaringly Obvious Obserrvashum $4—it’s hard to tipe w/a sqierming babby on yer lap.