Snarkling Clean

Snarkling Clean- because you don't have to cuss to make fun of stuff. Two dedicated readers discuss romance novels- from what made us weep with joy to what made us want to poke pencils through our eyeballs.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Snarkling Clean

It's Good to Be Home

Greetings, fellow citizens of Snarkdom. Thanks to Queen Snarksta Robyn for posting some very funny and thought-provoking things during the past 8 days, and just generally keeping everything running smoothly during my absence. Not that any of you noticed my being gone, which is good….just proves what a well-oiled machine we have here at Snarkling Clean. It also proves that I have yet to post something truly funny or thought-provoking, which is bad, considering I am a somewhat funny person in real life, and have occasionally been known to have a deep thought.

My family and I just returned yesterday from our first vacation in about 3 years. By vacation, I mean going somewhere other than to visit family and actually paying for the privilege of sleeping in a bed not our own. It was during said vacation that I, your humble co-Snarketta, had some serious epiphanies, or as I lovingly call them, Glaringly Obvious Observations, for once I started really thinking about them, I could only come up with two words….”No kidding”. One concerned my weight, one concerned my hair, but I will save those for another day. I will share with you now the ones concerning Family Vacations….

Glaringly Obvious Observation #1- “Vacation” by definition only means that Mom gets to do everything she normally does at home somewhere else. This includes cleaning, folding laundry, making sure everyone is properly bathed and dressed, food procurement and preparation, finding the lost sock/swimsuit/toothbrush/insert any item here, and the justification of why this or that item didn’t get packed even though Mom told son/husband/insert family member here to be sure to grab said item and put it in the suitcase. Everyone else (meaning my husband) may be taking a few days away from the daily grind, but for a mom, the grinding continues, no matter where she is.

G.O.O. #1, addendum- It is probably not such a hot idea to take a three month old baby on vacation anywhere, unless it’s to Grandma’s house. For some reason, people in the next hotel room don’t like the sound of a screaming baby while they are trying to sleep. Go figure.

G.O. O. #1, addendum #2- The above mentioned baby will significantly change her behavior and sleeping patterns away from home. Especially if after she is fed, burped, dry, rested, and happy, then decides as soon as Mom and Brother head to the hotel hot tub, that, no thanks, she really doesn’t want to stay in the room with Dad, and oh by the way, she’s not all that happy, and you know what, she doesn’t really like the room you are paying $100 a night for, and you know what else, she doesn’t really like Daddy right now either, and are you getting this, she wants Mommy right away, cuz she forgot to tell you, she still is hungry, and because you weren’t quick enough, she’s going to do a dooty of biblical proportions to show her overall dislike of the situation. Upon Mom’s return, she calms down, meekly takes the bottle, and proceeds to stay up until the wee hours of the morning while Brother and Dad are sleeping with a pillow over the head and ear plugs, respectively. While Mommy is begging her to just go to sleep, Miss Hakuna Ma-tooter serenely looks at Mom with her big blue eyes, as if to say, “What’s the prob, Ma?”

Glaringly Obvious Observation #2- Never mistake a “visit with family” with a “vacation.”

A visit with family can be nice, relaxing, and enjoyable, which ours was…some of the time. But basically, a visit with family is just getting the family crap in person that you usually just get over the phone. Only you can’t hang up. Or make faces while the relative is talking to you. Or make hand motions mimicking jabbing yourself in the eyeball to your husband. Or put your hand over the receiver while whispering, “My gene pool needs some serious chlorine.”

Glaringly Obvious Observation #3- I really really love my husband and my children. I needed this vacation to remind me once again why I picked the guy I did, because sometimes he annoys me so much that I forget. I was also reminded why we decided it would be a great idea to procreate, because sometimes, I forget that too. While watching HGTV (to which I am addicted but am in a 12 step program trying to overcome), I saw the ad for the new Todd Oldham show. His tag line hit me like a ton of bricks: “Remember, if you love it, then it’s perfect.” And you know what? My children may give me a butt that looks like cottage cheese and gray hair before my time, and my husband may cause me to one day develop a tick in my facial muscles, but I love them. I seriously love them…therefore my family is perfect.

Glaringly Obvious Obserrvashum $4—it’s hard to tipe w/a sqierming babby on yer lap.


Anonymous nessili said...

Hey Missie--
Thanks for the laughs. Your article was so timely. My 8 month old daughter is pulling the "Sleep? I don't need no stinking sleep." routine, teething on my shoes, wanting to be held, then trying to type on my keyboard, throwing a hissy fit when I won't let her, and on and on and on. My darling husband is willing to watch her but 1. He sleeps so soundly he doesn't hear her crying 2. she doesn't want the daddy. "Not the Mama!" But that tagline is so true. I love them, and they're perfect. Thanks for reminding me of that fact.

5:54 PM  
Blogger Robyn said...

Oh, Missie, we gotta talk, baby girl. PLEASE tell me you did not take more than a glance at yourself in a swimsuit. Hotel lighting is worse than a department store.

Reminds me of my daughter's first sentence: Dh asked her, at three a.m., why she wouldn't JUSTGOTOSLEEPPLEASELORDJUSTGOTOSLEEP! She answered, "Because I not sleepy, Daddy."

9:07 PM  
Anonymous Jolene said...

hehe Missie I'm glad you had an..interesting time on your vacation. heh. You know, one of the little girls I babysit pulls the keyboard thing too. She loves to type her name. ::shakes head: Anyway..that article you wrote was hilarious. :) Great job.

Ack it's too early, I'm going to wish I was sleeping..


4:00 AM  
Blogger Missie said...

Thanks for stopping by our blog. Your daughter sounds too cute. I can't wait until Princess Nursalot gets to that stage. She actually laughed out loud this weekend several times, making Daddy and I walk on cloud nine for awhile. Then it was back to the screaming. :)

Apparently you don't know me very well if you think I spent ANY time looking at myself in the mirror in my swimsuit. One glance was enough to horrify me for a lifetime. My swimsuit will never be the same after this weekend.

I wish I was sleeping too, and it's about 10am here. Finally got the baby down for her morning nap and then I laid down for what I hoped to be an hour long nap myself...and couldn't sleep. Can you believe it? Now I am dragging my rear around the house exhausted. Ugh. But I love her and she's perfect...but just don't tell her that. She already thinks the world revolves around her.

8:54 AM  
Blogger Camy Tang said...


I know I shouldn't laugh at your pain but you're just too hilarious, Missie! Thanks for the spewed tea today.


3:02 PM  
Anonymous Jolene said...

hehe Missie, after days full of "I'm a princess." I know what you mean. Only this one talks and walks. haha. Trynity is 3 and likes to "be a princess" thus she walks around the house with a sheet on her head like a flowing gown. And says things like "Aren't I bleutiful?"


3:04 PM  
Blogger Missie said...

I just know this one is going to be like that. She already holds the title of Princess of the World.

You reminded me of something my son used to do when he was little. I would dress him for church or daycare and then say, "Go show Daddy how cute you look!" He would then run into see my hub yelling, "Daddy, look how look I look!"

Those were the days.

That's okay. Glad to know my suffering gave you joy. What a friend you are! ;)

5:53 PM  
Anonymous Heather Diane Tipton said...

LOL Your suffering gave me joy too. ;-)

7:00 PM  
Blogger Missie said...

Thanks, Heather, glad to help!

9:35 AM  

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