Snarkling Clean

Snarkling Clean- because you don't have to cuss to make fun of stuff. Two dedicated readers discuss romance novels- from what made us weep with joy to what made us want to poke pencils through our eyeballs.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Worst Covers Evah- Dishonorable Mentions 1

As promised, our edition of Worst Covers Evah. Keep your eyewash handy- your retinas may be permanently scarred. View at your own risk.

Beloved Enemy

This male cover model needs a new agent. "Oh, sure, they'll see your's all in the camera angle."

And may I take this opportunity to ask: WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE ALWAYS OUTSIDE? I can count on one hand the number of times I've indulged in Tea and Crumpets on God's Green Earth, and there's a reason. Too cold, too hot, too dirty, too sandy, six or eight-legged creepies getting a little too interested in what these two humans are doing, etc. Most historical romances are about rich guys. Doesn't he have a bed? And this one's a pirate. At least take her to the boat, yo? Maybe we'd even get to see your face.

A sad display of the artist's lifelong obsession with his Seafoam Green Crayola. And what kind of Queer Eye pirate coordinates his ship with his shirt? The title for this book should be Beloved Enema.

A Rose At Midnight

Put down the Toni home perm and back away slowly.

Speaking of backs, he's gonna hurt his bad. We're not meant to twist like that, are we? He looks like an eighties Ken doll that twists completely around at the waist.

When Bernadette Peters met Debarge.

Bold Conquest

I'm sorry to break it to you, honey, but he's just not that into you. Dude fell asleep while you're waiting for your One With the Cosmos. If you're not careful, he's gonna dump you in the river and ruin that pretty dress.

Another reason to do these things INSIDE.

Bold Conquest, nuthin! Dude's giving her a zerbert on her neck.
"Who's my little punkin? That's right, you are! Blpthblpthblpth!"


"No way, Sir Shagalot. Not until you brush those knightly teeth."

"Oh, and one other thing. See these huge plants? We're in the freaking forest. I'm going to get rashes from all this wicked wilderness if you unlace my easy-access dress any further. So if you expect me to become your love bunny, you'd better get your horse and take me to that castle. At least we'll have room service."

Dude, no means no! She's doing her best to get away. Back off!

Next week: Dishonoring continues!


Blogger Bernita said...

That last is Some Dress! A strip-me-nekid dress! An RSVP outfit! Why are his hands over on her hip?

5:01 AM  
Blogger Robyn said...

These men never quite know where to go for it, do they?

7:40 AM  
Anonymous Amy said...

LMAO! Those are some horrid covers but your commentary made them most enjoyable. :)

4:43 PM  
Anonymous Michelle said...

Oh, aren't those covers AWFUL? So glad the new ones don't have Mr. Mullet and Ms. Heaving Bosoms on the cover.

4:07 AM  
Blogger Bernita said...

Actually, I prefer the lush and lurid to the bare,new two-dimensional.
All those part people and objects.
Never fear.
Robyn can take those down too.

8:49 AM  
Blogger Robyn said...

Yeah, we'll have to have a "headless torso" snark soon.

8:53 PM  
Anonymous Jo said...

Rotfl..I love it. haha. I've noticed the same thing, Robyn. Why always outside?!

8:07 PM  

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