Snarkling Clean

Snarkling Clean- because you don't have to cuss to make fun of stuff. Two dedicated readers discuss romance novels- from what made us weep with joy to what made us want to poke pencils through our eyeballs.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Worst Covers Evah- Dishonorable Mentions 2

This edition of WCE is even worse than last week. Hope your eyes have recovered from those. Again, view at your own risk- just be grateful we're not showing computer graphic e-book covers. AIEE!

Missie says her snark ain't on cause she wuz on vacation. While I was here working. Day and night in the Oklahoma heat while she swam in hotel pools. Not that I'm bitter or anything...

Fortune's Flames



Robyn:
She must weigh a lot more than she looks. Wonder if she'll tip the boat over before she breaks his back? I guess hardtack and gruel really packs on those pounds. Go for the low-carb weevil infested biscuits next time!

Missie:
So this is where the idea for "Dancing With the Stars" came from...


So Speaks the Heart



Robyn:
Although I appreciate that he followed the Boy Scout safety rules and ringed his campfire with rocks, I must ask again: WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE OUTSIDE? A field of flowers sounds romantic until you realise that flowers mean BEES, y'all. He's gonna get stung right on his tight, toned bohunkus. He'll squeal like a little girl, drop our de-tangler challenged heroine and run away. And she'll be easy prey for the swarm because she apparently has no lower legs.

Missie:
My eyes! My eyes!

Midnight Star



Robyn:
I'm falling for your eyes. I'm falling for your lips. I'm falling off the cliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiffffffffff.....

Just trying to imagine how they're going to explain that to her father.

Seriously, these covers just make me want to puke. Seriously. 'Cause if the blood rushed to my head that badly, I would.

Missie:
My eyes! My eyes! Part 2.


Tender Is the Storm

WARNING!!! We are a PG site, but I couldn't find a good link to this cover, so hide your children NOW.




Robyn:
OMG. This cover screams Let's Just Be Blunt About It. I love this terrible old cover- it really snarks itself. I was working in a bookstore when this came out- and we had to put little gold "First time in paperback!" stickers on his behiney. And I'm still laughing remembering Missie's first reaction to this cover-"What the-uh-omigosh-oo-what am I looking at?" or something like that.

And tender or not, that storm is about drop on you and go flooding that valley. Yet another reason to GO INSIDE, y'all!

Missie: Good thing I already burned my retinas looking at the other covers.

This one wins my vote as the Worst Flippin' Cover Ever! The level of wrongness achieved by this one cover far surpasses anything else I have seen. You've got yer bucknekkid guy, chick with no arms, hurricane fast approaching....hmmm, all the ingredients for a "You've Got to be Kidding" stew. But that's just my opinyun.

Next week: The top three...er, bottom three? whatever. Worst Covers Evah!

13 Comments:

Anonymous Michelle said...

LOL! Thanks for the great laugh this morning. And just WHAT is he humping in cover #3, I want to know??

3:30 AM  
Anonymous Jolene said...

ROTFL terribly perfect ladies. haha.

4:36 AM  
Anonymous Amy said...

Wowsa, makes the cartoon covers look pretty good! lol

9:38 AM  
Blogger Missie said...

Michelle,

No, really...you don't want to know.

Amy,

Wowsa is right. Along with Ewwww, Gack, and my favorite, ERBLECHK!

9:40 AM  
Anonymous Heather Diane Tipton said...

LOL And she's holding a rose in cover #3.... uh I think not.

You ladies make me laugh, thanks!

9:09 PM  
Anonymous Heather Diane Tipton said...

uh ok... I do know how to count, I swear. I meant cover #4. sheesh

11:35 PM  
Blogger Robyn said...

Yea, Heather, the rose holding got to me, too. SO realistic!

7:15 AM  
Blogger Camy Tang said...

Okay, what's the deal with heroines/heros holding things in their hands while posed in a passionate embrace?

Do they realize they're holding a sword in the first cover? Don't drop that, honeys. Might slice off something that Big Pirate there might not want disappearing.

And what's with the rose? She looks like a mannequin with broken arms, broken wrist, and maybe a broken back if you interpret her face of supposed ecstacy as wrenching pain.

Congrats, you two. You guys picked some real WINNERS this time! LOL

Camy

8:51 PM  
Blogger Missie said...

Camy,
We should rename the last book,"Love Me Some Mannequin", huh? I was thinking the same thing as you but I didn't post it. I don't know about you ladies, but if I am in a passionate embrace, the last thing I am thinking about holding is a flower. Okay, that really came out wrong, but you get my drift...I think...never mind...time for bed...oops there I go again...okay, signing off now.

Missie

9:02 PM  
Anonymous Heather Diane Tipton said...

*snort*

11:19 PM  
Blogger Robyn said...

Good to see your new baby hasn't completely squashed that lovin' feelin', Mom.

7:03 AM  
Blogger Bernita said...

Funny how these handsome, clever,living dangerously hunks always get overcome by PASSION at the stupidest times.
I like to imagine what a real, clever dangerous hunky guy would actually say if some half-nekkid female swanned, swooned up to him at certain times...like "get below decks, you stupid cow."

10:30 AM  
Blogger Missie said...

Bernita,
Too funny! I know my incredibly good looking guy would never be so overcome with passion that he would disregard storm warning sirens for my siren-self! He would be saying, "Hello? Put your clothes back on and find some shelter, goober!"

Robyn,
No, she hasn't squashed that lovin' feelin', just my chesties.

10:37 AM  

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