Snarkling Clean

Snarkling Clean- because you don't have to cuss to make fun of stuff. Two dedicated readers discuss romance novels- from what made us weep with joy to what made us want to poke pencils through our eyeballs.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

They're Baaaaaack!

Well, it’s official. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, in addition to being so in love that they cannot form one coherent sentence between the two of them, are having a baby.

Lord help us….they’re breeding.

Just when I thought the media frenzy surrounding these two had finally died down and I would get through the rest of my life (okay, at least the rest of this year) without hearing about how “awesome” (his word) everything is and how “happy, just sooooo happy” (her words) they are, they have to go and procreate.

Why, God, Why?

It was too much to hope that we were done with these two, but hope I did. They could have slipped away to some uncharted island to live out their days in a bubble of lurrrve and not a tear would I have shed. I figured that there would be some resurgence of stories if and when they actually made it down the aisle. But holy cow. We will now be subjected to at least eight more months of stories with such important headlines as “TomKat’s New Kitten” and “Preganetics”, and detailed reports on what Katie is eating, wearing, and buying for the Cruise progeny. Not to mention the all-around squick factor of Maverick and Joey reproducing. Ewww. Just sent chills up my spine.

Please someone, shoot me now.

I don’t begrudge them their happiness. I just don’t want to have to give up my cable, Internet, and newspapers to avoid reading the minutia of their pregnancy faithfully reported by a worshipful media. Is that so wrong?

Please excuse me. I must now go jump on and off my couch repeatedly so no one will doubt my depth of emotion. But make no mistake…I really, really care about Tom and Katie.


Blogger Robyn said...

"TomKat's new kitten..."

Makes you think about the rounds of O.J., vitamins, and clearings on the e-meter that Tom is undoubtedly preparing should Katie have any post-partum blues, eh?

I can see him in the delivery room now.
"Breathe and focus on this poster of 'Battlefield Earth' with John'll enter an advanced state of clear."

"Focus on my foot in your face if I don't get drugs! I'll kick you so hard you'll clear the window of this hospital room!"

8:25 PM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

There's this old PC game called "Fallout 2". In a post-nuclear holocaust world, you must infiltrate a creepy Scientology-like cult headed up by -- yes! Tom Cruise & Tom's former squeeze (and fellow Scientologist) Nicole Kidman. No, they're not called thus by name, but the characters are dead ringers.

You get to ice 'em, if you feel like it. One of the game's high points.

9:32 PM  
Anonymous Amy said...

Hey, on the bright side, at least Katie won't suffer from postpartum depression, since it doesn't really exist!

*Just when I thought the media frenzy surrounding these two had finally died down*

I think you said it right there. Media hype is dying...what can we do...have a baby!!! I'll be interested to hear the next chapter in their Quest For Publicity. (Or maybe not so interested...I'm totally with you.)

12:20 PM  
Anonymous Jolene said...

::grins: Yea Amy, maybe they'll result to making up"Test tube pig" or something similar. It'd be fun. haha


1:33 PM  
Blogger Missie said...

I am just soooo done with these people. I used to really like Cruise in the Mission Impossible movies and even in Jerry Maguire, but now I don't know if I can ever watch him on screen again without thinking about the Oprah-couch incident. That and him sucking Katie's tonsils in front of the cameras at any given opportunity. Ewwww again.

6:36 PM  
Blogger Missie said...

And I would love to be a fly on the wall if Katie does have post-partum and Tom tries to convince her that she shouldn't be feeling what she is feeling. He will soon be feeling around on the floor for his big big teeth. You definitely don't mess with a woman who's given birth in the last few months.

6:37 PM  
Blogger Missie said...

Oh, and scare me with your bloodthirstiness. Not so much the fact that you are bloodthirsty, but the fact that I'd really like to try that game.

"Take that, Oh Happy Enlightened One! Oh, no, they've taken refuge behind his big big nose!"

6:40 PM  
Blogger Robyn said...

I agree, that game sounds like a hoot. Sort of like the original Deathrace 2000.

Oh, that game was fun.

8:37 PM  
Anonymous Bonnie said...

I feel very bad for Katie right now. Talk about making your bed and lying in it.

7:23 AM  
Anonymous Michelle said...

Is it me, or let's do the math. Was she already pregnant when he proposed? Hello, rushing things a bit, are we? I just don't buy this relationship.

And I know this is HORRIBLY cruel, but I hope she gets a vicious case of postpartum and just socks him one. (grins)

4:14 PM  
Blogger Missie said...

I thought about that too. Horribly cruel minds think alike. (grins real big!)

And this is a terrible thing to say, but who gives this marriage more than 2 years, three at the most? Because really, what can they have in common?

Tom: Come 'ere baby, I got some risky bidness for you.

Katie: What's risky business? Oh, is that that movie you were in when I was, like, two? Cuz I like totally saw it on American Movie Classics the other night.

5:42 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home