Houses Are There For A Reason, People
True Lurve On God's Green Earth- with special guest snarker Bernita!
Regular readers of this blog know Robyn's Favorite Rant, WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE OUTSIDE? This time, we're not just sayin'. We've got evidence. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we bring you-
Cameron's Landing
Robyn:
Yes, d-d-darling…I w-w-want you so m-m-much I'm shaking…of c-c-course it's not from the cold…could you wrap my shawl around me a little t-t-tighter, please? I could kiss you forever…because my lips are numb…
Missie:
Um, Cam? You have a castle. Use. It.
Bernita:
Oh, the raging sea of desire! So get a proper grip, man, you're holding her finky fingered.It's not a freaking dance floor!
Honor's Splendour
Robyn:
Wet leather. Wet chain mail. Even a wet sword. Yeah, he'll be ready for Tea and Crumpets. In about an hour, IF he brought rust-o-leum.
Missie:
Missie's New Favorite Rant--WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE IN WATER?
Bernita:
Honest now, he says, do you really like my lycra pants?
Lady of Fortune
Robyn:
You just never know when you're gonna get impaled on your crown. If they were inside, he could at least put it on the nightstand.
And with all that foliage? "The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah…"
Missie:
I'd be tryin to get away too if a doped-up James Spader was gettin fresh. Eeewww.
Bernita:
Oh dear, ANOTHER one with bad breath...
Love, Come to Me
Robyn:
(read in an outrageous Continental accent) Yes, my love, come to me. Come to me in zee winter, in a skimpy taffeta dress, in zee middle of a frozen river. I will chill zee sham-pan-yay!
Missie:
Ivan tried to console Svetlana after their crushing Olympic defeat by the American ice dancing duo of Sadie Lou and Billy Bob Stubbs.
Bernita:
Hypothermia heaven. Or: the next time you put a snowball down my shirt front, I'm dumping you in the creek!
Satin Ice
Robyn:
Is that more slippery, or just more expensive? Either way, I think somebody's gonna get a chest cold.
Missie:
Poor Mr. Snuffaluffagus.
Bernita:
Nice material in your shirt there, Del...
Sweet Mountain Magic
Robyn:
The animal kingdom does NOT WANT US THERE. The deer is trying desperately to ignore them, but the owl is proactive. "Here's your freaking canoe. Get in it and leave!"
Missie:
Pocahontas needs to lay off the purple eyeshadow and quit fantasizing about her first love. Her thought bubble almost poked Grizzly Adams in the head.
Bernita:
Disdainful expression says his fingernails are dirty. Love that alder root eye shadow though.
You've seen the evidence. You be the judge.
Next: What Is This Cover Model Thinking?
Regular readers of this blog know Robyn's Favorite Rant, WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE OUTSIDE? This time, we're not just sayin'. We've got evidence. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we bring you-
Cameron's Landing
Robyn:
Yes, d-d-darling…I w-w-want you so m-m-much I'm shaking…of c-c-course it's not from the cold…could you wrap my shawl around me a little t-t-tighter, please? I could kiss you forever…because my lips are numb…
Missie:
Um, Cam? You have a castle. Use. It.
Bernita:
Oh, the raging sea of desire! So get a proper grip, man, you're holding her finky fingered.It's not a freaking dance floor!
Honor's Splendour
Robyn:
Wet leather. Wet chain mail. Even a wet sword. Yeah, he'll be ready for Tea and Crumpets. In about an hour, IF he brought rust-o-leum.
Missie:
Missie's New Favorite Rant--WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE IN WATER?
Bernita:
Honest now, he says, do you really like my lycra pants?
Lady of Fortune
Robyn:
You just never know when you're gonna get impaled on your crown. If they were inside, he could at least put it on the nightstand.
And with all that foliage? "The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah…"
Missie:
I'd be tryin to get away too if a doped-up James Spader was gettin fresh. Eeewww.
Bernita:
Oh dear, ANOTHER one with bad breath...
Love, Come to Me
Robyn:
(read in an outrageous Continental accent) Yes, my love, come to me. Come to me in zee winter, in a skimpy taffeta dress, in zee middle of a frozen river. I will chill zee sham-pan-yay!
Missie:
Ivan tried to console Svetlana after their crushing Olympic defeat by the American ice dancing duo of Sadie Lou and Billy Bob Stubbs.
Bernita:
Hypothermia heaven. Or: the next time you put a snowball down my shirt front, I'm dumping you in the creek!
Satin Ice
Robyn:
Is that more slippery, or just more expensive? Either way, I think somebody's gonna get a chest cold.
Missie:
Poor Mr. Snuffaluffagus.
Bernita:
Nice material in your shirt there, Del...
Sweet Mountain Magic
Robyn:
The animal kingdom does NOT WANT US THERE. The deer is trying desperately to ignore them, but the owl is proactive. "Here's your freaking canoe. Get in it and leave!"
Missie:
Pocahontas needs to lay off the purple eyeshadow and quit fantasizing about her first love. Her thought bubble almost poked Grizzly Adams in the head.
Bernita:
Disdainful expression says his fingernails are dirty. Love that alder root eye shadow though.
You've seen the evidence. You be the judge.
Next: What Is This Cover Model Thinking?
posted by Robyn | 6:10 AM
8 Comments:
ROTFL Missie's "poor Mr. Snuffaluffagus." I laughed sooo hard. My sister is like "I love when you're on the computer and you just start cracking up laughing." heh.. It's your faults that my family thinks I'm crazy! haha. Right!
Like Jolene, I roared at the Mr. Snuffaluffagus. Where do you ladies get these hilarious covers? And the chainmail one? LOL!
Michelle, my retinas are permanently scarred from scanning amazon images for these things. What I go through for you people!
Jolene,
We at snarklingclean cannot be held legally liable for any real or perceived mental or psychological difficulties, challenges or deficiencies experienced by our readership. That's in the snarkleclaus.
Oh my goodness...so hilarious...
I loved the one about the animals...it so does look like the owl is pulling the canoe and the deer is averting it's eyes...just about died laughing...
And Bernita, the one about the snowball down the shirtfront...just great...and if you don't mind me stealing your line,
I love this blog.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Nice job, all three of you guys.
Snort -- poor, poor Mr Snuffalufagus. Is the heroine of the sequel wearing Big Bird or Oscar the Grouch, perhaps? Another reason to keep covers away from the kiddies.
Very much agree on the proactive owl, too, and I would be strongly against tea and crumpets with anyone who's wearing rusted chain mail.
I will admit to having a couple outdoors cover, and in winter, but they are fully clothed, and keep their tea and crumpets for indoor consumption.
I just went through and showed my husband all those wonderful covers (from August to now) with all your insane/incisive comments. I don't think I've seen him that shade of purpley-red in a while, and I had to remind him to breathe a few times. Mr. Snuffalufagus almost did him in, the evil baby definitely did. I think the only thing that saved me was that I'd seen the covers before, so I was somewhat prepared. Still, watching him laugh was almost as good as the actual covers and comments. Keep them coming--we love the endorphins!
BTW, ever thought of putting all your covers together in one archive? Or would that be classified as a deadly weapon? A form of biological warfare (Detective Obvious: "Captain! This woman laughed herself to death!"
Captain Clueless: "Not another one! Call Washington. I think we have an epidemic on our hands.")
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