Hi!
Just a little post to say thanks to those of you who are stopping by to visit and leave kind comments. Due to Ms. Quitwithnonotice (see previous post) I have been working like a fiend this week. Paycheck be happy, body be draggin'. It's after midnight now, and I just finished with some work from earlier today. Granted, I took several hours away tonight to have dinner with my inlaws and eat German chocolate cake, so it was worth it. There's not much in life that can't be fixed with cake, I always say. Okay, I don't always say, I just made that up, but it's still true. And since Robyn is MIA for one reason or another, you are stuck with me and my rambling posts about work and cake and other things that don't go together in the minds of rational people.
So, since we won't be snarking on any covers until Ms. Iknowhowtoaddpicturestotheblog comes back, I thought we could all pull up a chair and get to know each other better. I am throwing out a topic in hopes that you will jump right on in and give us your input. Today's topic is guilt. Yep, guilt. And here's why. As a mom, I feel guilty about, oh, at least seventeen things a day concerning my kids. Are they getting enough sleep? Too much sleep? Are they warm? Are they too warm? Are they cool or are they chilled and why didn't I dress them appropriately? Are they gassy or do they have diarrhea and what did I feed them that made them that way? Why didn't I notice that bite on his arm? When did she scratch her face again? Am I ignoring him while I am feeding her? Am I ignoring her while I am spending time with him? No matter what I am doing, there's a voice in my head that says I should be doing something else for someone else at that particular moment. It seems that since I have become a mom nine and a half years ago, guilt has become one of the predominant emotions in my life. Because, ultimately, everything my kids do, feel, see, hear, need, spurn, lack, whatever, comes back to me and something I should have done, shouldn't have done, should have known to do, should have known better than do, should have done earlier, should have waited to do, and on and on and on ad nauseum.
Now, I am not so egotistical as to think that everything in our family revolves around me, but you know what? Sometimes that's not too far from the truth. If I don't do what I do, then our family doesn't work right. Just like if my hub doesn't do what he does, it doesn't work right. But I have to say he has the ability to separate (am I spelling that wrong, Michelle the teacher?) himself from things that happen to our kids and his direct responsibility. Is that a guy thing or a dad thing or just a my guy thing?
Maybe guilt isn't what I am feeling, maybe it's worry. Maybe that's normal, or maybe I am just a flippin' weirdo. Or maybe what I am feeling is normal and I am still a flippin' weirdo. Or any combination of the above. Does anyone else relate to this or do I just need to shut up now and get some serious sleep followed by intense therapy?
The floor is now open....
So, since we won't be snarking on any covers until Ms. Iknowhowtoaddpicturestotheblog comes back, I thought we could all pull up a chair and get to know each other better. I am throwing out a topic in hopes that you will jump right on in and give us your input. Today's topic is guilt. Yep, guilt. And here's why. As a mom, I feel guilty about, oh, at least seventeen things a day concerning my kids. Are they getting enough sleep? Too much sleep? Are they warm? Are they too warm? Are they cool or are they chilled and why didn't I dress them appropriately? Are they gassy or do they have diarrhea and what did I feed them that made them that way? Why didn't I notice that bite on his arm? When did she scratch her face again? Am I ignoring him while I am feeding her? Am I ignoring her while I am spending time with him? No matter what I am doing, there's a voice in my head that says I should be doing something else for someone else at that particular moment. It seems that since I have become a mom nine and a half years ago, guilt has become one of the predominant emotions in my life. Because, ultimately, everything my kids do, feel, see, hear, need, spurn, lack, whatever, comes back to me and something I should have done, shouldn't have done, should have known to do, should have known better than do, should have done earlier, should have waited to do, and on and on and on ad nauseum.
Now, I am not so egotistical as to think that everything in our family revolves around me, but you know what? Sometimes that's not too far from the truth. If I don't do what I do, then our family doesn't work right. Just like if my hub doesn't do what he does, it doesn't work right. But I have to say he has the ability to separate (am I spelling that wrong, Michelle the teacher?) himself from things that happen to our kids and his direct responsibility. Is that a guy thing or a dad thing or just a my guy thing?
Maybe guilt isn't what I am feeling, maybe it's worry. Maybe that's normal, or maybe I am just a flippin' weirdo. Or maybe what I am feeling is normal and I am still a flippin' weirdo. Or any combination of the above. Does anyone else relate to this or do I just need to shut up now and get some serious sleep followed by intense therapy?
The floor is now open....
posted by Missie | 11:51 PM
6 Comments:
No. You are not a "flippin' weirdo."
You are a true mother.
Children are the ultimate responsibility. I will go so far as to say they are a holy charge and parents are their first and prime defence against the multiple evils the world can send against them, until they are old enough to defend themselves.
And it is difficult, often, to separate ( yes, you spelled it right) the irrelevant items of care (should I have made sure she took a sweater with her)from the vitally important ( how to handle the schoolyard bully)
Relax. The job's making you feel guilty.Relax. You don't have to be supermom. No one is.Perfection is not required.Nor expected - by anyone with any sense. Relax. The very fact you feel anxious is proof you are a good mom. Seems mothers' have the unique ability to imagine all sorts of horrible consequences that almost never, ever come to pass.Relax. You're a good mom.
Well if you have an ego problem so do I lol. I know the family revolves around me. It's the way our family is set up, not intentionally, but it's just the way it is. The kids are very centered on what I do and where I am as part of their routine, and once in a blue moon when that routine is disrupted, they are thrown for a loop. (like when Amy and I went to the Tulsa conference a few weekends ago)
I'm not much into guilt, I'll tell you that now. Sure, I know there are things I could do better (ok LOTS of things) but I figure as long as my kids don't end up in therapy or the Jerry Springer show, it'll mean I did something right ;)
Well...you can never have too much sleep...:-)
No, I think it's a perfectly valid feeling that haunts Moms everywhere. Just think, if you didn't care about your kids and were a *gasp* Bad Mom, you wouldn't be worried sick about them.
Now, not being a Mom myself, I really have absoulutely no right to give advice. But here's a verse that's always helped me whenever I'm worried and anxious about something (and my Mom says it's helped her too.)
"Be anxious for nothing, but in all things, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." -Phillipians 4:6-7
Have another piece of German Chocolate cake and don't worry about it.
Have TWO pieces.
If you must account for the missing cake, blame it on the dog.
You can tell how tired I am...as I read the last comment, I thought it said, "Blame it on the blog" and I was trying to figure out how to blame missing cake on you guys. Then I re-read it. Duh. Dog, blame it on the dog. Makes sense now. Duh. Need. More. Sleep.....And. Cake.
Thanks ladies for making me feel better. It's nice to know other people feel the same way to some extent.
Missie--yes, you spelled separate right. :)
But it's true that sometimes you feel like--if I stop doing xyz, abc won't work. And being a mom is just a full-time job, no question about that. The guilt factor is unbelievable, even when you know you're doing the right thing.
I agree..go eat some more cake and don't worry about it. We can only do what we can do. :)
Post a Comment
<< Home