Snarkling Clean

Snarkling Clean- because you don't have to cuss to make fun of stuff. Two dedicated readers discuss romance novels- from what made us weep with joy to what made us want to poke pencils through our eyeballs.

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Happy New Year's Advil

Got big plans for tonite? We always do a movie marathon, with a theme. All the Batmans, all comedy, etc. Last year, we did Lord of the Rings. Dark, but pretty fun.

This year?



Oh, yeah, baby. Star Wars. ALL SIX MOVIES. We have to start watching at 3:00pm. All those thwip-thwip-thwip laser gun battles.

Oy.

I'm gonna have a laser hangover.

There's a monumental battle in our house concerning Star Wars. DH and I consider IV, V, and VI (the ones with Luke and Han Solo) as the only real Star Wars movies.



The kids, of course, think those are weird and old and only I, II, and III (with the comb-challenged Hayden Christianson) are the true Star Wars.



How could they possibly compare?

Real SW: Luke Skywalker. The kid from a nowhere podunk planet who dreams of greatness. Bit of a squick factor when you realise his sister kissed him, but he didn't try to kill his master.
Pale Imitation: Anakin Skywalker. Annoying little kid grows up to have tea and crumpets with his babysitter and kill a bunch of other annoying little kids. At least that how it looked to me. Grossed me plain out.

Real SW: Princess Leia. Kick-butt, take no prisoners. "Get this walking carpet out of my way."
Pale Imitation: Queen Amidala. Had potential, but lost it when she fell in luuuurve. "Ani, you're breaking my heart!" And then she dies of said broken heart, leaving her children to be raised by others? Leia would have totally kicked Ani's saber of love into his throat, and raised her kids by herself.

Real SW: Yoda. Yeah, I know he was in the other movies too, but he was cuter as a puppet.
Pale Imitation: Jar Jar Binks. Mesa wants to poke my eardrums out. George, you had to give him an unintelligible vocabulary AND the weird cartoonish voice? Get Frank Oz to do it next time.

Real SW: Han Solo and Lando Calrissan. Harrison Ford and Billy Dee Williams. 'Nuff said.
Pale imitation: Kwai-Gon and young Obi-Wan. Okay, it's Liam Neeson and Ewan MacGregor. You know I'm gonna love me some of that.

DH and I won't be awake for the real ones, probably, so we'll watch them tomorrow when those poor misguided kids of us take a nap. Have a good one, everybody, and stay safe!

9 Comments:

Blogger Missie said...

We watched Episode 3 last night for the first time since we had originally seen it in May. I thought maybe I had been too hard on the movie at first because I had seen it while pregnant and emotional and maybe that's why I didn't like it? Wrongywrongwrong. Gack. Yuck. Puke. My daughter has diapers that can act better than Ihavea2x4wedgedupmybutt Christiansen. How did he get paid vast amounts of money to act in not one, BUT TWO, George Lucas movies? And Amidala? I wanted to kick her outrageously coiffed keister. Yeah, my husband is standing there all wigged out, obviously possessed by some evil force, eyes all glowing on a fiery planet. He accuses me of betraying him and tells me his plans for galaxial domination. And what is my response? "Ani, you're breaking my heart?" What the--? No, the proper Missie response in this situation is, "Bub, you are nutso-bob. I can't believe I was stupid enough to let you impregnate me even though I am about 14 years older than you. Now, it's time for Mama to show you some manners! HIYAH!" Out comes the light saber and chops off any important thing that might be protruding from his body. While he's lying there bleeding and crying like a little girl, I would stomp on his real hand, chop off his flyaway hair, and then ride off into the sunset with someone who can act, namely Obi-Wan.

But that's just me. And I'm just sayin.

I am also sayin for everyone to have a happy and safe new year and get ready for more snarkage in 2006.

10:53 AM  
Blogger Missie said...

Um, another thing? Below where it says "choose an identity" then it has your name followed by (Your Blogger display name)? I always read over it too fast and it looks like (Your Booger display name). It makes me laugh every time. Why? Because I am a dork.

10:54 AM  
Anonymous Amy said...

Happy New Year! No plans here, not even a movie so far. Might have to change that and shoot for...one movie. LOL

12:02 PM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

No argument here. Real SW is the only SW. The rest was a money grab.

All the best to you and your family for the new year, Robyn.

10:59 PM  
Blogger Bernita said...

With you, Missie.
The only good thing about Amidala ( the Onion) was her costumes.

3:11 AM  
Blogger Anna said...

My only comment on Jar-Jar Binks will be one that can always make my DH laugh. Jar-Jar the office temp, accidentally getting himself caught in the fax machine. Meesa faxa eeeeeaaaaaaaaaaar!!!!

6:42 AM  
Anonymous Michelle said...

LOL! GMTA. We watched Episode III last night before Dick Clark and were groaning. "You're so beauitful." "Only because I'm so in love."

Gag me with a blender! Ew! The worst romance dialogue EVER award goes to George Lucas. Now he definitely had it right with Leia and Han Solo.
"I love you." "I know."

My husband says that to me all the time. :p

8:12 AM  
Blogger Camy Tang said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks Hayden Christianson can't act. The Amidala chickie was okay except she had like the worst lines given to an actress in history. Oh, but the COOLEST costumes, I'll agree on that.

And here's a glitch--in VI, Luke asks Leia if she remembers her "real" mother, and Leia says she was beautiful but sad.

Hello? Amidala died before infant Leia could even breathe on her own.

Camy

11:31 PM  
Blogger Robyn said...

Makes you wonder if George even watched them before making the new ones, eh?

In IV, Beru and Owen talk about Anakin like they knew him growing up. They met him for like, a day in II. Arrrggh. Continuity stunk.

11:32 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home