Eight Random Facts
1. I used to sing in bars. It started when we were sitting there having an Amaretto sour and munching potato skins and listening to this guy with about five keyboards around him. He looked like an astronaut in the lunar module. He played The Way We Were for this couple on their anniversary; and naturally my loud mouth got me into trouble. He heard me singing and yelled out, "Who IS that?!?!" Fortunately, he liked the sound and the couple was very nice, so I sang the song for them. It's amazing how many lounge entertainers will let you come up and sing.
2. When I was three, a goat in the San Diego zoo petting area ate the back of my dress. I spent the rest of the day with my mom's jacket tied around my backside and have hated goats ever since.
3. I am quite adept at injuring myself. I trip over air pockets. I have managed to fall down in front of nearly every teacher I ever had, a good number of dates, and even a couple of elected officials, who, of course, waited to see how many press members were watching before looking concerned and helping me up.
4. I read the back of the book before the start. Except in whodunits. But I especially cruise the last few pages if it looks like there will be a love triangle. I read one once and wound up rooting for the wrong guy and it made me mad for weeks.
5. I used to belong to a group of medieval re-enactors. I can swordfight, as long as the weapon is split PVC pipe with foam wrapped around it. Call them nerds all you want; those people see more action than the characters in Grey's Anatomy. And those women! SO FUN. It takes a very special kind of confidence for a 200 pound woman to wear a chain mail bikini.
6. My church is stupid enough to let me teach the children. "Yes! I read stories about pirates who never manage to actually steal anything and women who go to sleep on park benches and wake up in Medieval Scotland and sheikhs and cowboys and have overwrought passages full of Thundering Breastplates, Protuberances that stand at attention, and Enchanted Grottos that cry while becoming One With The Cosmos. Send your little dears right in!"
7. My love affair with Dr. Phil ended long ago, but I can't stop watching him. His show is rapidly becoming Maury Povich, and will be Jerry Springer before too much longer, but I'm still fascinated with the moment he'll utter something like "When the gopher's in the hole, it's too late to march in the parade!"
8. I could never in a million years go on the Atkins diet. I have never met the bread I didn't lust over intently. I love to look at bread. I love to touch bread. If I could smell, I would probably swoon at the scent of bread. I love white bread, that you can roll into soft spongy pellets; I love dark chewy nutty bread that weighs as much as a small hybrid car. I don't really like crunchy crust, but that's okay. I'll scrape out the good parts. Life without bread just isn't worth living.
If you would like to do the Eight Random Facts, please do so! I'm through with tagging. I can never run fast enough.
Must be all that bread.